


Crazy in Lust Possibly Love

by sandyk



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Go On (TV), Happy Endings (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 01:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2209677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So Anne was a little tipsy when the buxom young woman came up to her with flushed cheeks and a heaving buxom bosom. She was watching the pretty young thing's mouth and cleavage instead of really listening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazy in Lust Possibly Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Care](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Care/gifts).



> No profit garnered, not mine. I didn't realize when I signed up this was started many years ago by Sab, but I never felt like a writer until Sab said I was good so I'm doubly glad to be here. Written for Care in the sitcomathon. Thanks to pb for beta!

Anne was trying to be a responsible adult, but the bar had excellent Scotch and she had drink tickets. So she was a little tipsy when the buxom young woman came up to her with flushed cheeks and a heaving buxom bosom. She was watching the pretty young thing's mouth and cleavage instead of really listening. 

But then she heard. 

"Are you fucking kidding me? We should pretend to be married?"

"Ha, ha, I know, fun, right?"

"Are you attending the conference - are you in law enforcement, because I do not want to go to the fucked up town you're in charge of protecting." Anne sipped her Scotch. Maybe she did want to go to that fucked up town if all the cops were this pretty. And insane. Insane like K or worse, King, so she decided against going. 

"No, no. I live here, in Chicago. I do PR," Busty Crazy Lady King But Younger said. "I thought it would be okay to just, you know, check out the after party, but then I saw my ex-girlfriend who is really more of an ex-one-night-stand from when I was in New York City last year. See, I was engaged and then we weren't and it was AAUugh, you know?"

"Are you by any chance related to a man named Ryan King?" Anne had given up being subtle and was openly staring at Breasty Girl's breasts. 

"I don't think so, was he ever married to my mom?"

"Hard to know since I don't even know your name," Anne said.

"Didn't I tell you? I told you at the beginning, when I explained I didn't want my ex-one-night-stand the scary cop to know I'm still single because it's embarrassing because she's super hot and I'm easily prone to embarrassment."

"Still didn't get your name," Anne said. 

"Penny. Penny Hartz," the girl said. 

Anne nodded, stopped herself and leaned forward. "Do you how dumb that sounds? Why do you need a fake wife not to be embarrassed? Why are you even worried about being embarrassed? You're hot. She has no way of knowing if you're seeing someone or not. You can just lie." Anne leaned back. "Unless this is a really fucking stupid way to hit on me."

"Oh, that would have been better," Penny said. "Funny meet cute story we could have told our kids. Dumb Penny, dumb, dumb!"

"I already have kids. I'm a widow, kid, my not-fake wife died and left me alone with our two kids."

"I'm so sorry," Penny said. "I'm really good with kids. They call me Aunt Penny and everything. I bet your kids would like me. And I have had a lot of stepfathers so I know what's right and what's seriously inappropriate."

"That's heartening," Anne said, skeptically. It was very much like talking to K or King, she was constantly confused how she ended up on whatever topic they were discussing and irritated at being confused. Really fucking irritated. "Why are we still talking?"

"Because this has morphed into something adorable and a little cute and a little sexy? I can make that happen," Penny said. She smiled in a frankly adorable way. 

"Have you made a lot of stops at Girls Town, or are you just a tourist wasting my time?"

"Just a few stops. There was a breakup everything was AAAUGH and I thought what do my happy friends do? My happiest fulfilled friend is my dear friend Jane and she was basically a lesbian in college until she met her husband."

Anne frowned. "Have you found that that worked?"

"Not so much," Penny said. "But I've had some really great sex. I mean, Jane was not wrong about the quality of sexytimes with the ladies. They got them thaaaaaaaaangs." Penny gestured at her breasts. 

"But you still want to marry a man," Anne said, still frowning. "I don't have time to help you go on this journey, okay? Is your hot ex-one-night-stand the hottie in the black leather?"

"Yes," Penny said. "She's not one to talk a lot. And when she talks, the things she says are sort of frightening. Also, she didn't want me to know her last name."

"I'm interested," Anne said. "I am interested," she repeated. Penny's one night lady was a class A hottie. She looked like the kind of woman who would stomp lesser men and women and they would love her for it. 

"Good luck then," she heard Penny say sadly as Anne walked over to Black Leather Lady.

"I'm Anne," she said. "I'm a prosecutor in Los Angeles, I like to make people pay. How about you?"

"I'm Rosa, I'm a cop," Hottie said. "Do you know that girl you were talking to?"

"She slept with you. I'd like to do the same," Anne said. 

"She got them thaaaaangs," Rosa said. "And we are not going to sleep for the next four hours."

"God Bless America," Anne said.

x x x 

Penny watched her faux partner in fake marriage walk out with her hand planted firmly on Rosa's black leather butt. She felt a little sad. And also a little happy that she had made a match. Always look on the bright side of life, she sang in her head. And maybe hummed a little out loud. 

Dave said, "I want to have a Monty Python marathon now." 

Penny jumped and turned around, seeing Dave leaning on the bar behind, failing completely to pull off nonchalant. "Why are you here, Dave?"

"I came for you," Dave said. "I came to talk to you, to spend time with you. I was wondering. I was wondering about you. About you and I together. Together eating in a casual friends way."

"Dave, I just asked a complete stranger to pretend to be married to me because I spotted someone I once had a one night stand with and I didn't want to be embarrassed -- I mean, I was more suave than your last few sentences. And she called me a fucking idiot. And she was right."

"So this was from your Jane in college phase?" 

Penny nodded. "The sex has been good. Jane was pretty on target about that."

Dave said, "Are you over that yet?"

"I'm not over anything, I've discovered a real part of my sexuality," Penny said. She really had. 

"But still, still dating guys?"

"Of course," Penny said. "I'm going with the flow. What comes along, what happens, you know, it's all in the waves."

"Really?" Dave looked confused. It was definitely cute. 

"Yeah, I have no idea what that meant. Why are you here?"

"I was thinking of you. You know, Penny. Pretty Penny. Penny I feel like I have almost connected with a few times. Penny, Penny, Penny." 

"Dave, Dave, Dave," she said, moving closer and subtly shifting her chest forward.

"Maybe this is our moment," Dave said.

"I hope so," Penny said. 

"Let's kiss and stop this crazy game of chicken and weird banter loops," Dave said.

"Got it," Penny said. She stepped even closer and made that kiss happen. And oh, it happened. It happened with tongue.


End file.
